


A Lifetime Of Broken Promises

by Attwooddee



Category: Nonnor
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28839825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attwooddee/pseuds/Attwooddee
Summary: Nic thought he was out of the woods. He'd assumed that he'd have the rest of his life to spend with Connor. He and Connor wanted the happily ever after. Then Nic got the diagnosis.





	1. Everything Catches Up To You Eventually

Nic takes a deep breath and grabs onto the wall, steadying himself on the stairs. Occasionally he'll get, what he likes to call Dizzy spells. His vision darkens, and he becomes too dizzy to stand on his own. He's been getting these a lot more than normal recently, but he's sure it's just because he has low iron, or because he's out of shape. Though, these last couple weeks the spells have been accompanied by trouble breathing. The textured, off-white paint on the walls helps bring him back to where he is. 

"Are you alright, honey?" Connor puts a hand on Nic's waist to help steady him, he's standing directly behind his husband so there's no chance of him falling down the stairs. "You've been out of breath a lot lately. Are you feeling okay? Anything different with your lungs?" When Nic first started living with Connor, he had lots of little issues like this, and Connor just assumed that they'd go away when Nic was at a healthy weight. He reached that threshold over a year ago, but still hasn't completely healed from the effects. Connor didn't think much of it until they started getting bad again. 

"You worry too much..." Nic smiles up at Connor and leans into his touch. "I'm fine, Connie." He tells Connor this all the time. He says he's fine and okay, but he's scared. Nic knows Connor's worried about him, Nic can see it in his face. Nic's emotions have mirror Connor's since the minute they met. However, Nic assumes that if he can pretend it's not a problem, it'll go away. He gently pushes off the wall and finishes walking up the pristine staircase. Connor follows closely behind. 

Connor starts pulling the excess pillows off of the bed. He has no idea why anyone would need so many pillows, especially when they aren't used, but they came with the set. His mind quickly turns to worry as Nic gets winded by stretching next to the bed. He starts to scower his brain thinking of any condition that could cause symptoms like the ones Nic had been exhibiting. Maybe if he could give Nic a potential diagnosis, he'd be more willing to try and solve the issue. 

"Connie, I'm okay. I promise. I just need to start working out or something. I-I can start taking those supplements." Nic pulls the comforter back and gets into bed. He can see the worry consuming Connor's entire body. It's starting to bother him, so he tries to look elsewhere. 

"I don't know... You're not at a weight where you'd be struggling that much to walk up the stairs." Connor drags his finger along the bedframe. It comes back dirty, which ignites a fire of panic in him. He's terrified of the dirt affecting Nic, his immune system isn't strong enough to handle grime like this. He turns, scanning for the feather duster he usually keeps in the bedroom. He can't remember where he left it. "You didn't struggle that much when you first got here. I'm worried it could be your lungs." 

Nic grabs his hand, keeping him from going on a hunt, just to get rid of some dust. "Honey. I am fine. It could be allergies, a cold, a lack of exercise... don't worry about it." Nic gently pulls his hand, silently inviting him into bed. He wants Connor to get some sleep tonight, and he knows if Connor starts dusting, he'll find a dozen other things that need to be done. 

"You fainted last week... I really think we should get you checked out." Connor sits against the bed frame, glancing at Nic. He tries not to look worried, to stay calm for Nic, but he quickly realizes that's not possible. So he looks down and starts playing with the tag on the blanket, wondering why it's still there. 

"No. I'm not going to the hospital for this. You can check it out, but I'm not going unless it's necessary. It's not like these are new symptoms for me." Nic's jaw gets tighter the longer the conversation goes on. He needs to start being firm, because Connor won't listen to him. Nic hates the hospital. It scares him, which means he will not go unless it's dire. Getting dizzy isn't dire, so he's not giving in. 

"Fine. I have the day off tomorrow. I'm checking on it then." Connor shifts around trying to find a comfortable position. Once he does, he wraps his arms around Nic and pulls him close.

"Mm..." Nic cuddles into his husband's chest, closing his eyes, and smiling softly. "Goodnight. I love you." He’s putting his feelings aside for the night to allow himself to just be with his husband. Nothing feels better than being held by the man he loves most after a long day.

"Je t'aime, mon ange... bonne nuit." Connor traces his fingers up and down Nic's back, his mind drifts back to the dirty bed frame, and how easy it would be for Nic to catch a cold from the mess. His unoccupied hand shakes gently beside him. He tries to ease his mind and get to sleep, but his thoughts have made the easy jump from Nic getting sick, to the very real possibility that he’s already sick. That he’s ill and Connor is making it worse by not seeing it. His mind goes back to searching for an answer. He goes through every condition he can think of to see if the symptoms match up.

\----------------------------------------------

Connor groans quietly and rolls over, the blanket falls off and he’s immediately nipped by the cold from the bitter winter morning. He glares at his phone sitting on his nightstand before clicking the alarm off. 6:30 comes too early, especially when you've hardly slept. Connor wishes he could have gotten at least a little sleep, but this can be fixed with coffee. Lots of coffee. He thinks of possibly taking Nic out for brunch as he doesn’t feel like making anything this morning.

He carefully pulls away from Nic and sits up on the edge of the bed. Every morning is like this. Connor gets up early, checks on his gorgeous husband, and gets ready for the day. Although he has the day off, Connor sticks to his routine. He feels better this way, it keeps his anxiety at bay, and gives him an obligation to get out of bed. As Connor stands up, he pulls his shirt off and uses it to wipe off the bed frame. He runs it over the headboard three times. To make sure it’s clean, he runs his finger along the shiny wood, and takes a deep breath when it comes back clean. One less thing to worry about today. 

As he starts making his way into the bathroom, Connor pauses when he hears Nic's breathing. It’s shallow, strained, and worrying. He takes another deep, calming breath and goes into the bathroom for his morning shower, his shoulders are tense enough to be painful, which tells him that he needs to relax. He tosses the old, ratty t-shirt into the hamper and sets a couple towels next to the shower. He cringes at the loud, squeaking the shower makes when he turns it on. Connor turns the dial almost all the way to the left, the hot water soothes his aching muscles. He doesn't think his body will ever get used to the way Nic sleeps, so he has to deal with these knots and aches in the morning. Connor's head is spinning with his anxieties as he lets the water soak his hair. Just as a condition pops into his head, a quiet knock at the door steals his attention. "Hello?" He pulls the shower curtain open and sticks his head out.

Nic opens the door, enough to see his husband. He smiles softly and flattens out his hair. "Want some company?" Nic’s hoping that Connor isn’t still upset after last night, so he’s going to pretend like there’s nothing wrong.

"I would love some company, sweetheart." Connor moves off to the side and opens the curtain for Nic, he quickly turns the temperature down so Nic doesn’t get burned. They hardly ever shower together anymore, so his morning has already improved. Connor leans against the wall, allowing Nic to get in and adjust the water temperature to his comfort level. "You're up early." 

“I didn't sleep well. The shower woke me up." Nic wraps his arms around Connor's neck and kisses him gently. He can’t help but grin. Even after years into their marriage, simply kissing Connor makes him so happy.

"I'm sorry, honey... I didn't mean to wake you." Connor turns the heat up enough to not freeze. He hopes Nic doesn’t mind.

"You didn't sleep, did you?" Nic sighs. He runs his thumb along Connor's cheek bone, looking at the significantly darker bags under his eyes. He knows that Connor was up, worrying about him.

Connor pulls away and grabs Nic's shampoo. "I slept enough. Maybe you should go back to sleep after this?" Connor kisses his husband's neck before massaging the watermelon scented wash into his hair. He desperately wishes they could change the topic. Connor hates when Nic worries about him, especially when Nic has so much to deal with already.

"It's your day off... I'd rather spend it with you than sleeping." He smiles and tilts his head back. Nic's hoping promises of a day spent together will distract Connor from his quest to keep him healthy. He’d rather do anything than spend the day being Connor’s patient. 

"I heard your breathing this morning. I'm getting really worried, Nic." Connor knows Nic won’t react well to this, but it needs to be dealt with. They can’t just keep ignoring Nic’s problems and hoping they sort themselves out.

Nic rolls his eyes and pulls away from Connor. He finishes washing his hair in silence, too angry to be reasonable with Connor. No one ever listens to Nic, or let’s him make decisions for himself. "I'm not going to the hospital." 

"I'm doing a check up then." He sighs as Nic gets out of the shower. He was hoping Nic would be fine with this, that maybe this was a good compromise. "Meet me in the kitchen, I'll grab my gear."

"Mm," Nic wraps a towel around his waist and goes into the bedroom, drawing another sigh from Connor. He knows he should handle this maturely, but he can’t take it anymore. If no one else, Connor should listen to him. He rolls his eyes in response and picks out a sweater and some jeans for the day.

Connor leans his head against the shower wall and closes his eyes. He can already feel the headache starting. He's glad he picked up some Tylenol on his way home from work yesterday. The only problem is discovering the cause of the pain. Once he finishes his shower, Connor gets dressed in his usual outfit; a light button down and some jeans. He grabs his stethoscope and let's it hang around his neck as he goes down stairs. He doesn't see Nic anywhere. "Honey...?" Connor stops in the living room, and looks around. "Nic?" Panic rises in his chest. He tries his best to swallow it, but Nic being alone hardly ever ends well. He slowly walks into the kitchen, and sees Nic on the floor. He's struggling to breathe. 

Connor freezes. A million thoughts speed through his head, all involving the possibility of Nic dying on his kitchen floor. He feels like all of his blood drains to his feet, keeping him in place. They make eye contact just as Nic goes still. 


	2. Running From Fluorescents

Nic wakes up confused and in pain. His lungs feel like they're full of cement, his entire body is throbbing and aching. Before he can even open his eyes, he feels a hand on his forearm. A lightening bolt of panic strikes him when he feels a sharp pinch. One of Nic's biggest fears when he was with Gilbert was turning out like the people around him. So many of them got The Needle and just rotted away, completely unaware of their surroundings. Nic avoided it the best he could. He avoided needles the best he could. Now someone is giving him a needle. He's supposed to be unconscious and he's getting a needle. Nic's eyes shoot open and he rips his arm away. He pulls the foreign tube away from his nose, it's harder to breathe. There's a woman standing there, trying to calm him down. "C-Connor?!" He cries out and struggles to get away from the lady. 

"Heyheyheyhey, I'm right here." Connor runs a hand up Nic's arm, coaxing him to lay back down. The relief evident in his voice. "You're okay, honey... Lay back down..." Connor has never been so happy to see Nic panic. He's awake, he's fine. He's alive. Over the last few hours, Connor has been praying. Something he never imagined he'd do. He's never been a religious person, the only times he's ever been to church was for chirstmas when he was a kid, but today he needed something to believe in. He needed someone to beg to keep his husband alive. 

"Where am I? W-what happened?" Nic demans, the fog starts to clear from his mind. He lays back down and takes Connor's hand, squeezing it tightly. The last time Nic was in a hospital bed, he bolted. He intends to do the same today, if there's anything implying that he should. He slowly looks around, searching for the best exit. He shifts in the intolerably crisp blankets, trying to prepare himself for a quick escape if he comes to that conclusion. 

Connor stands up and puts the nasal cannula back into place, taking a deep breath with Nic. "You're in the hospital. I found you on the kitchen floor." Connor studied Nic's face. This perfect face that hours ago he was sure he'd never see it again. 

"What's wrong with me?" The tube softly blows into his nose. It smells like fake spring. Too fresh and too clean. It starts to dry out his mouth. Nic holds Connor's hand tight against his chest, sucking up all of the heat he can get. The room is cold and bright, the fluorescents are gnawing away at his eyes. "Is it asthma?" 

"No," Connor takes a deep breath and sits back down. He's been kicking himself almost all day for not doing better in cardio, it kills him that he can't be Nic's doctor. "You had some Arrhythmias... there's a specialist on his way. He's a... friend. He-he'll take care of you." Connor knows he's talking too much, but he can see the glint of fear in Nic's eyes. When Nic's afraid, he runs. Connor knows that Nic probably already has an escape plan, but if Connor can appease him, maybe he'll stay. 

"What do you think it is?" The tenseness that was building up inside Nic starts to melt away when he notices Connor's calm demeanor. For their entire relationship, Connor has been very uneasy when it comes to Nic's health, so if he's calm, there's no reason to panic. Yet. 

"Oh, i don't know. I'm just a neurologist, honey." Connor's leg starts bouncing up and down, a beacon exposing his lie to anyone that might walk by. Connor hates lying to Nic, but he can't be sure that his suspicions are correct. Connor hands him the glass of water off of the side table. 

Nic shakes his head. "I know you've already looked into it. What did you find?" Nic can feel Connor's leg through the bed, triggering a tidal wave of 'what-ifs' and general worry in Nic's mind. Why is Connor getting anxious? What is Connor not saying? 

Connor runs a hand through his hair, trying to swap his bouncing leg for another, less noticeable fidget. "Nothing, I-" 

"Connor." Nic knows that sometimes Connor is more concerned with keeping him happy, than telling him what he needs to know. This is different. If Connor knows what's wrong, Nic has the right to know. It's starting to hurt that Connor doesn't think he can handle whatever going on. 

"My friend should be here within the hour. I'm going to go talk to the doctor you have now." Connor kisses Nic's forehead and stands up. "Let me know if you need anything." Connor has been doing nothing but talking to Nic's doctor and reading his chart. Connor can't sit still. He can't stay here and keep lying to Nic, so he decides to leave. 

Nic reaches for Connor's arm, but misses. "Don't leave. I don't-" Nic begs. He can't handle being alone right now, he needs his husband. 

"Mouse!" Cassie runs into the room and right over to the bed. She grabs Nic's hand and cups his face gently. Nic deflates as Connor steps out into the hallway. Nic loves Cassie, but sometimes she worries him more. Nic needs his husband. 

"Did Connor call you?" Nic sits up slowly, wincing while he does. He leans back against the head board, pulling away from her. Nic feels bad about his relationship with his mom. When he first talked to her, she was ecstatic, and he thinks that she assumed things would go back to the way they were. That didn't happen. Nic stayed with Connor while he reintegrated and healed, which formed a strong attachment between the two. Nic's only comfortable with Connor touching him. He knows Connor would never hurt him. 

"Yes! Are you okay? What's wrong?? What happened??" Cassie moves her hand to Nic's forehead, knowing it's unless considering the swarm of machines hooked up to Nic. She doesn't care. She hardly got the chance to be a mom with Nic, so she'll take any chance she gets. 

"I don't- i don't know. Connor is talking to a... A cardiologist. I had some... um... arrhyth..." 

Cassie's eyes widen. "Arrhythmias?!" 

Nic nods and looks away, embarrassed that again, everyone is worried about, and focused on him. Nic just wants to live a long, boring like with Connor. 

"Mouse-" Cassie pauses when Connor steps back in. She's surprised at the anger she feels towards Connor all of the sudden. She's confused how Nic can be married to a doctor, yet sitting in a hospital bed right now. 

"His doctor is outside if you'd like to talk to him." Connor gently takes nic's hand, seeing him tense up. He rubs a gentle pattern into the soft skin with his thumb. Connor looks at Cassie for the first time and takes a deep breath, he sees something in her eyes. Something that makes his palms sweat. 

"You're not his doctor?" Cassie asks surprised. Maybe Connor's not his doctor because he couldn't even catch simple Arrhythmias. 

"I'm no good at cardio." Connor squeezes Nic's hand gently and looks down at him. He takes a shaky breath and smiles. A hopeless, desperate smile. 

"Okay... um, I'll go talk to the doctor." With that, Cassie walks out, quietly cursing Connor for not taking better care of her baby. She just got Nic back and now he might be leaving again. 

Connor kisses Nic's hand gently, "What's wrong, my love?" Nic looks so out of place in the bed small bed. His rosy cheeks and yellow painted nails stand out against the rest of the drained gray that has always made the hospital so dreary. 

"I don't... know," Nic shifts uncomfortably. He hates when people fuss over him. "I just feel... overwhelmed. I-I don't like everyone fussing over me..." 

"I know... you're anxious. That makes sense, honey. There's a lot going on... why don't you get some rest? I'll keep everyone out for a while." Connor kisses Nic's head and turns towards the door, glad that he gets a break. That he gets some time to process this. 

"Connor-!" Nic grabs his arm, maybe a little too tight. He doesn't want Connor to leave. Not again. "Please stay. I'm... scared... can you lay with me for a while?" Nic stares up at Connor, eyes wide and worried, another silent plea to stay. 

"Oh, honey... I don't think that's a good idea... I could hurt you or-" Connor is worried about hurting Nic, but he also wants to be alone so he can process what's going on. If Nic's asleep, he can be alone without feeling guilty. 

"Please?" Nic's fear is evident. It's all over his face. It gets under Connor's skin. 

Connor adjusts the bed and climbs into bed next to Nic. He wraps his arms around Nic and pulls him close. The hospital smell dissipates and is replaced by Nic's scent. It calms Connor down, almost immediately. "Get some sleep, my love." 

After half an hour or so, Cassie coms back in and pauses. Connor has his eyes closed, giving the illusion of sleep. The give away is Connor's hand running up and down Nic's back. Nic's asleep with his head on Connor's chest, breathing softly. 

"The doctor told me that you decided they should be testing for cardiomyopathy." Cassie sits in the chair next to the bed, keeping her voice down. She feels guilty about her anger towards Connor. The doctor explain what cardiomyopathy is, and why Connor didn't catch it. Even if he did, nothing would be different. 

"He's had the symptoms since we met. I should have- i explained them as a deficiency, or anxiety, or being under weight... I should have had him see a GP. I was stupid. It's my fault." Connor doesn't look at Cassie. He can't. He feels so guilty, this is his fault. He's failed as a husband and a doctor. 

"Connor... you know that's not true. If you had found out earlier, it wouldn't have changed anything." Cassie feels like she needs to make Connor feel better. To sort of apologize for blaming him. 

Connor pulls Nic closer. "I'm sorry." His voice is so soft and quiet, Cassie almost misses it. She's never seen Connor so docile, he's always so tough and intimidating. She assumed it's to make Nic feel safe around the boys. 

"Honey-" a sharp inhale from Nic stopped her, she doesn't want to say anything Con doesn't want Nic to hear yet. He shifts around and gets in closer to Connor. "No one blames you," Cassie continues, seeing that Nic's still asleep. "You've done more for Nic than anyone. You saved his life." 

"Thank you." Connor kisses the top of Nic's head, giving in to avoid the back and forth from Cassie if he disagreed. "I'll be out soon. I just... want to hold him for a while." 

Cassie nods and stands up. She'd love nothing more than to stay by her baby's side. But that's Connor's job now, and she's worried about overwhelming him. "I'm going to call his brothers. Is there anyone you'd like me to call?" 

"No, thank you. I don't want to overwhelm Nic. I still have to explain what he's doing here." Connor takes a deep breath, taking in more of Nic's scent. There's noone he needs more than Nic. 

"Thank you, Connor." Cassie stresses her gratitude. She grabs his hand and squeezes it gently. The kind of reassurance only a mother could manage. "Nic would be... Nic would be nowhere near where he is without you. Thank you for bringing him home." She pats his hand gently. 

Connor squeezes her hand in return, hoping it's enough to express his gratitude as well. "I love him. More-more than anyone I've ever loved. He deserves so much more than he's ever gotten. I wish I could make this all go away." Connor's serious. Nic deserves the world, and all he gets is pain and heartache. 

Nic groans softly and shifts around. He mumbles something unintelligible and squeezes Connor's shirt. 

"I'm going to call the boys." Cassie kisses both Nic and Connor on the head before going towards the door. She stops in the door way, "take it easy, Connor. This is... this is about Nic, but it doesn't just affect him. Make sure you're looking out for yourself, too." 

"Thank you, Cassie." 

By the time Nic finally wokes up, it's well into the night. He keeps his eyes closed and tries to get a better grip on his surroundings. He doesn't want to panic again if they've moved him. After a couple minutes of this, he slowly opens his eyes and is met with sharp lights. The room's dark, but the light from the hallway, and monitors around him cut it back. Nic doesn't mind, he doesn't like the dark. He lived in the dark for years, but these lights hurt his head. 

Nic looks over and sees his husband asleep in his chair, slumped over on the side table. The frail man sits up and moves closer to Connor. He knows that Connor's back will be ruined tomorrow if he continues in that position. As much as Connor hates to think about it, he's not twenty anymore. Nic doesn't know if Connor's planning on working tomorrow, so he needs to be in good shape just in case. "Connie?" Nic nudges his knee gently. 

Connor shoots up, causing Nic to squeak and quickly recoil. "What's wrong?!" It takes a second for Connor's mind to register what's happening. When he realizes, he feels awful. He knows it's not Nic's fault, but knowing that Nic thinks there's even a tiny chance that Connor would hurt him, makes his heart ache. "Oh... I'm sorry, honey..." Connor rubs the sleep away from his face. "What's up? Are you okay?" 

Nic chews on his lip and takes a minute before moving all the way over to the other side of the bed. "Can you lay with me?" Sleeping without Connor is a fool-proof way to bring the nightmares back. The vivid ones he hasn't had in years. He has nightmares with Connor, but they're more metaphoric and easy to recover from. 

"Oh... um, i don't- I don't know..." Connor shifts in his seat to get more comfortable. Connor's tried sleeping in these beds before. When he was younger he could crash in one between shifts, but now he'd rather take the achey back from this position than the throbbing body caused by the firm beds. 

"Please? You know I don't like sleeping alone..." 

Connor takes a deep breath and looks around. Trying to think of another excuse to say no. "Okay, alright... alright..." He toes his shoes off and gets into bed next to Nic. "Just... we need to be careful. One wrong move and I could pull your iv out... or your nasal cannula..." 

Nic nods and rests his head on Connor's chest, smiling softly. "Okay... I love you, Connie." 

"I love you too, mon ange." Connor wraps his arms around Nic's waist and kisses the top of his head. "Get some sleep, sweetheart."


End file.
